Unimpressed with Vacation-PART 5 Friday

guys this is boring

guys this is boring

Friday morning the overlords awoke me early and we headed out. I was put back in the car again. I was not looking forward to this day if I was going to be confined to the evil car seat for much of it again. When we made our first stop I was released and they allowed me to toddle around and explore. Finally these dimwits were figuring it out! I was allowed much freedom for a very long time. I led them down an interesting path with many twists and turns and much to investigate. At the end of it I showed them a great waterfall. They should let me guide them more often so I can bring them to such places. The Tall Skinny One seated me in front of the waterfall which I claimed in my name to take photographic evidence of my discovery. After definitive documentation of my discovery for posterity I was allowed to toddle back the way that we came. This was my longest adventure to date. When we got back to the car I went willingly into my torture device for I did not have the energy to fight it. There I fell into slumber easily.

Many hours later I was awoken and taken to two more waterfalls. Apparently they wanted to show me they could also find waterfalls. I am unsure of what kind of competition this is but I am fairly certain I won. Then the Tall Skinny One drove us around on quite an adventure. We wound deeper and deeper into the mountains on a very precarious road. Finally we came to a clearing and my overlords got out and became excited about something in the fields around us. They pointed to a large far away animal with pointy things on its head. I did not find this animal to be all that impressive as it was very far away and hard to see. I did not understand why it did not come closer to be pet. I have 2 dogs and 3 guinea pigs at home and I have seen all of them up close many times.

unimpressive elk

unimpressive elk

These animals were a mere spec on the horizon and bored me quite a bit. We drove around a bit more in this valley getting out several more times to see these boring animals do nothing but eat grass. Once again I wonder about the overlords’ sanity. Finally I was released in a great field of grass and allowed to explore. I had much fun running with the Tall Skinny One as the One with the Boobs repeatedly pointed a large black contraption at me and called my name. She has carried this thing everywhere with her since we exited the large flying machine several days ago. Her behavior is most curious.

After getting our fill of running around the field we returned to the car and once again I was lulled into a deep slumber. When I awoke we were back in a downtown area and my auntie Sadrah was there again. I was taken to another restaurant. This displeased me greatly. I was tired of sitting in things for long periods of time and this restaurant was most interesting. There was strange music and many strange statues and many books of tall mountains. I wanted to explore but was not allowed. I showed them how displeased I was by refusing to sit in my high chair and refusing to sit with anyone other than the One with the Boobs but even with her I refused to sit still. I would have to remind them who was in charge. Finally my auntie Sadrah took me to explore. I went with her briefly but returned quickly to the One with the Boobs. I wanted to explore and yet I wanted to be with the One with the Boobs. I cannot explain this dichotomy of emotions when I want something that I do not want but it seems to be a ruling factor in my life. Finally the One with the Boobs took me outside and walked up and down the street until the others joined us. Then they took me some place quite interesting. We walked down the street to where there was a large congregation of people banging on things making loud noises. Many people were doing what the Tall Skinny One taught me recently which is “dancing.” They attempted to get me to join in the revelry but I much prefer solo exploration so I toddled about until it was time to go.

Afterwards I was finally allowed to do something most fun. In the basement of a building where the Tall Skinny One and auntie Sadrah sampled more brews there was a most exciting ramp and the One with the Boobs allowed me free reign of it so I ran up and down the ramp as many times as I could to figure out exactly the lay of the land. I will be needing one of these in my domicile as it is most impressive.


Unimpressed with Vacation-PART 4-Thursday 1

I regret to bore all of you but Thursday was very similar to Wednesday for the most part. I spent a long time being transported in the car. I found this to be very slumber inducing and slept for a long period of time. It was quite refreshing after several busy days of exploration. When I awoke I was taken out of the car and shown some scenery in a manner that made me think I was expected to care. The scenery, while nice, seemed to be almost identical to the scenery from the day before.

Clearly these people do not understand my need for new and exciting input. This happened a few more times where I was shown “scenery” and expected to enjoy it. Finally we stopped some place and I was allowed to roam around. This new place was fun and exciting. It had interesting domiciles to explore.

They looked different and much less sturdy than the domiciles I am used to. I am not sure I would choose to habitate in one of them. I also found another chicken. I had learned about these strange animals previously and now that it was one single chicken I found them much less frightening and followed it around a bit to study its behavior. Now the tables were turned and the chicken seemed frightened of me. After my adventures with the chicken I was shuttled around to various spots to see more of the same scenery and also go hiking. Once again I was strapped to the One with the Boobs back and off we went. We went up a very steep incline. The One with the Boobs went very slowly and sounded like she was suffering from myocardial infarction, I must speak with her about her fitness level. She is not allowed to perish because then my food supply will be gone. After we finally made it to the top of the incline we climbed up a spiral structure and at the top we were rewarded with more of the same view we had been seeing all day. My overlords are easily amused.

hey look, more of the same

hey look, more of the same

There I was assaulted by a crazed maniac. She mistook me for some sort of simpleton who enjoyed having things yelled in her face and poked at. She carried on as we stood there shivering in the wind waiting for her to leave us alone and then ended by telling the One with the Boobs how cold I was. I applaud the One with the Boobs restraint in dealing with these crazies that seem to follow us. Afterwards we climbed down from the spiral structure and took a different way down to the car. Instead of descending the steep paved path we went into the woods and I was taken out of the carrier and allowed to toddle down the path. The overlords told me I was walking on a piece of the “Appalachian Trail.” This of course means nothing to me so I will have to consult with Snuffles and perhaps we can peruse our picture book collection to learn more of this Appalachian Trail.

After returning to our car the overlords seemed very tired. We continued onward until the scenery changed very rapidly. Suddenly all the trees were gone and they were replaced by bright flashing lights. I found this to be much more interesting than our previous surroundings. After being released from the tortuous grip of the car seat we walked through this new scenery to a place where the overlords could eat once again. Instead of being put into a high chair I was given what they called a booster seat and I was allowed to sit next to the Tall Skinny One in this contraption. I was much delighted by this new development. I showed my delight by repeatedly throwing my cohort Snuffles to the ground for some under the table reconnaissance. After they finished eating we explored the area further. We went into a store. I love stores for they are good for exploration and often the One with the Boobs will allow me to roam on my own as she follows. She did not disappoint in this store. I was set free and after a long day in the car and in the carrier I took off.

The store was big and open and there was much room to get up good speed. I toddled here and there at a rapid pace taking it all in. Every now and then I paused at the back of the store for there was some manner of music being performed outside. Every now and then the One with the Boobs tried to corral me and would pick me up. I showed her how much this displeased me by kicking her and going rigid until she put me back down. I was allowed to roam free for quite awhile but I was still not finished my exploration when the overlords decided it was time to go. I wanted to toddle freely on the sidewalk and in the road but they would not allow it. I was picked up and my freedom ended. I made quite a show of trying to show my displeasure. I was bounced back and forth between the One with the Boobs and the Tall Skinny One as they tried to appease my anger but they did not give me the freedom I desired. Finally I relented and was reduced to merely sniffling in the arms of the Tall Skinny One while he carried me. The had greatly angered me, I would repay them by sleep refusal for it is my best weapon. Perhaps tomorrow they will think better.


Unimpressed with Vacation-part 3 Wednesday

Wednesday was not a terribly interesting day for me as I was strapped to the One with the Boobs back for most of the day while they all participated in something they called “hiking.” I was put back into the evil car seat and eventually fell into a slumber. There has been much activity this week and I found it easy to doze off as we drove around. Eventually I was awoken and strapped to the One with the Boobs back and off we went. The vantage point from her back is quite good. I saw much scenery that was of interest to me. I also enjoy her aroma when I am that close. I am quite fond of the One with the Boobs. She calls it her “stank” but I rather enjoy her very comforting smell. We hiked for quite a long time and eventually I was allowed to walk on my own.

I now understood how this “hiking” thing was different from my regular perambulation as the terrain was quite difficult. I do not yet have total mastery over my legs and found the various rocks and roots difficult to navigate. Eventually we came upon a very large rock and we paused for a rest. After our rest I was returned to the carrier for the duration of our adventure. I became very hungry and tired and instead of taking care of these problems I was taken from the One with the Boobs back and transferred to the back of the Tall Skinny One. This would not do at all as now I was even farther from any potential food source. I let them know loudly and clearly I was dismayed with their decision. Finally I was returned to my rightful place however my stomach was still empty. My overlords ignored this problem as they continued onward. Our scenery changed often. Sometimes it was clear and I could see mountains and trees very far away and other times it seemed as if we were directly inside of a cloud. Sometimes it started to feel very chilly indeed and I snuggled closely into the One with the Boobs and sometimes she would start to sweat excessively making the front of me very wet from her sweat. What a strange place they had brought me to. Finally we came back upon our car and I was allowed the sweet sweet nectar of milk and then I dozed in my car seat for awhile. The overlords made two more stops that evening. One to mouth feed and another where they were looking for more brews to imbibe. Once there the One with the Boobs was told I was not allowed into their domicile after 8 pm. I found this greatly confusing as I was unsure why my presence was upsetting to them. Perhaps when I have mastery of words I can inquire why they have barred me from their institution. I waited in the car with the One with the Boobs so my presence would not offend anyone and then we went home for the remainder of the evening as the overlords seemed very tired indeed.


Unimpressed with vacation PART 2-Tuesday

The following morning after we awoke we went back upstairs to the  main area of my new domicile and saw my “auntie Sadrah” again. She had apparently not left our house the previous night and she had also acquired a new friend. The Tall Skinny One introduced him as “uncle Mike.” I was much confounded by him. His face was very furry but he appeared to be young. This face furriness I have seen on the older ones I call Papa and Zayde. Perhaps uncle Mike is very wise and has been granted the status of an elder, I shall have to give him the reverence he has earned. They all continued with the ritual of “mouth feeding” but no one tried to get me to join them and I was left to continue my exploration of my new domicile and search for what they called the “kitty cat” some more.

exploration
exploration

Eventually we all left and drove in the car to a place where I was allowed to toddle a few minutes on what they called a “side walk” but I must have done something wrong because as soon as I was getting the lay of the land I was unceremoniously transferred to another evil torture device they call a “high chair” while they once again went about the business of mouth feeding. The high chair is not quite as evil as the car seat but it still immobilizes me from my explorations.

I do not like this activity
I do not like this activity
I do not find this funny
I do not find this funny

After what they called “breakfast” uncle Mike left us to go and prepare for his day as elder of our tribe and auntie Sadrah led us around the area showing us interesting things we past. I was strapped to the One with the Boobs back which is one of my favorite places to be. From this vantage point I can take in things from a higher vantage point than if I was left to toddle on my own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I was taken down from my perch we were at one of the Tall Skinny One’s favorite places. They call it a “brewery.” Here he takes much enjoyment from sampling their liquid offerings. My friend Snuffles also is a connoisseur of fine beverages so I gave him some samples of auntie Sadrah’s beverages. I was also allowed to explore at will and eventually I left the brewery itself and found a delightful hill that was great for running up and down. Each time I tried to surmount the hill the One with the Boobs would bring me right back down and back into the brewery and then I would immediately show her that the hill was better. Back and forth we went for quite awhile. Unfortunately the One with the Boobs decided eventually that this game was over and we left the premises. We traveled back to our new house and lounged about for awhile while auntie Sadrah to one of her kitty’s to what they called “the vet.” I am undecided as to whether it is a fun place to go as I have been to the vet with our dogs. One of dogs thinks it is a very fun place indeed and like me enjoys exploring his surroundings. He finds many interesting things to smell. The other dog, the one that allows me to step on him, does not like the vet at all, possibly as they restrict his entire mouth with a cloth apparatus. It seems very uncomfortable so I do not blame him for not liking it.

The One with the Boobs told me that it was “naptime” to which I replied that it was not. There was much struggle to see whose will won out in the end. The One with the Boobs is a formidable match but I won out in the end. There was far too many things to investigate to waste time on the useless act of sleep. For the remainder of the afternoon I toddled about the house, swung in some delightful enclosure they called a “hammock” and when auntie Sadrah returned she introduced me to her chickens. I have seen these things called chickens in some of the many books I have but I have never seen them in real life. They were almost as large as me and quite frightful up close. They pecked at auntie Sadrah’s fingers as she gave them grapes and even tried to eat the Tall Skinny Ones’ fingers even though he had nothing to give them. I stayed far away from them after that.

the best seat in the house
the best seat in the house

After a thorough exploration of the yard I was stuffed back into the evil carseat YET AGAIN and we left. It had been a long day and I finally succumbed to slumber much to the dismay of the One with the Boobs. It seemed as if I had just fallen asleep when she was waking me up again and stuffing me into her carrier.  Strapped to the front of her I was warm and snuggled in and fell asleep once again as she toted me around. This is a great way to travel. Eventually I was woken once more and stuffed back into the evil carseat. One day I shall win out over this evil contraption but I have not yet figured out how. We went to another restaurant. It seems like all these people do is put things into their mouths. I do not understand. I was given a chip to play with and even put a small piece of it into my own mouth briefly just to entertain them. They seemed greatly pleased by this. They are so very easily amused.

Afterwards the Tall Skinny One wanted to sample more brews so we went all went to another brewery. There I was allowed to explore the outside while they all imbibed their brews. It was dark out but I did not care. Exploration is a vital part of my mission. Every inch of land must be explored and all items must be flipped and flipped again and thoroughly investigated to glean their purpose and potential uses. After they all finished their brews we made one more stop for the night so they could eat AGAIN (seriously what is wrong with these people) and then we went home for the night where I even let auntie Sadrah take a picture with me since she didn’t seem to be going anywhere.

oh ok fine
oh ok fine we are pretty cute together

Unimpressed with vacation PART 1–Monday 1

 

I must make sure to pack my cohort Snuffles
I must make sure to pack my cohort Snuffles

The One with the Boobs and the Tall Skinny One just took me on what they called a “vacation.” We entered a large metal object not too far from our domicile and sat on it for a few hours. They tried to convince me we were transported to a different realm, a faraway kingdom they called “North Carolina.” I sometimes wonder about their perceptions of reality. They seemed anxious during our time on the metal object, especially the One with the Boobs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

studying important documentation
studying important documentation

I, however, found it to be fun as there were many new and interesting things to investigate. On these supposed “flying” machines they have interesting pamphlets to study. I shared them with my companion Snuffles the bear. Snuffles has an insatiable appetite for everything. He enjoys literature, fine beers and wines, and almost any sort of cuisine. He is my trusted compatriot. I made sure he studied this new literature thoroughly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN KEEPING FROM ME?!?!?
WHAT HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN KEEPING FROM ME?!?!?

As Snuffles studied the documents I had discovered I found something the One with the Boobs and the Tall Skinny One have been keeping from me. We have a thing called a “TV” at home that sometimes shows pictures that move and make sounds but I have yet to see much of interest to me other than a fine program called “Jeopardy.” However on the “flying” machine a small “TV” was showing something the One with the Boobs called a “cartoon.” I was much fascinated. It spoke to me in a way I had never experienced before and was enraptured with the brightly colored figures on the screen. I could not hear them but I tried to touch them to communicate with them. They did not respond like sometimes things on what the One with the Boobs calls her “cell phone.” She let me try to interact with the cartoon whilst usually she keeps the “cell phone” hidden from me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

putting "food" in your mouth is just wrong but this bag i shall sample
putting “food” in your mouth is just wrong but this bag i shall sample

Once Snuffles finished his diligent reading of the manuals we went back to investigating our very compact surroundings. The One with the Boobs let me play with a small piece of what she called a “chip bag” as she stuffed blue slices of potatoes she called “chips” into her mouth. Seems most people have this disgusting habit of putting things into their mouths and moving their mouths around and then the thing they put in their mouth disappears. I do not approve of this behavior. They are continually shoving things near my mouth in an attempt to indoctrinate me into this weird mouth cult. I have resisted all attempts thus far. I am highly strong willed. I will win out in the end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

this scenery pleases me
this scenery pleases me

Soon after I made it plainly clear to the One with the Boobs I did not want any of her blue “chips” near my mouth hole she stood me up so I could see out a small window. This was much fun as the scenery was changing rapidly and the flying machine was starting to bounce up and down in a most fun way. I laughed and smiled to show my delight, the One with the Boobs held me very tight and seemed anxious until the bouncing stopped. Then she hugged and kissed me and made quite the fuss about how “good” I had been and that I “travel” well. I am unsure what these things mean as we had been sitting in this “flying” machine for 2 hours not doing anything. She is a strange one.

We exited the “flying” machine into the same place we had entered it. I know this because it looked identical. We went to get our car and something very strange happened. We went to a strange building and waited for a long time and then they brought us our little red car I am often transported around in however it was now silver. This must be a strange custom that you sit in a “flying” machine for 2 hours while your car is painted. The Tall and Skinny One unfortunately had brought the evil torture device known as the “car seat” and installed it into our newly painted silver car and I was mercilessly strapped in. We drove a short while and then stopped for more of this bizarre habit of putting things in their mouth.

 

 

Unimpressed Baby with her Unimpressed Cousin
Unimpressed Baby with her Unimpressed Cousin

There we met up with whom the One with the Boobs called my “auntie Rebecca and cousin Sage.” This “cousin Sage” was a small person like myself. We eyed each other and determined we had a common goal of exploring as much of the environs as possible while trying to escape our masters’ clutches. Perhaps if we teemed up we could make a break for it. Sage seems to have been indoctrinated into this bizarre cult of putting things into your mouth. I must have a chat with her for if we are truly to band together to break free from our oppressors we must act in total unity.  There is another thing I must have a chat with Sage about. She seemed to freely interact with the One with the Boobs and even had the audacity to climb into her lap for a hug and some snuggles. This is not approved behavior. The One with the Boobs may be my oppressor but I am rather fond of her and she is mine and mine alone. If our rebellion is truly to be successful she must stay away from the One with the Boobs. We continued to explore the area and plot our rebellion for quite sometime then we were separated and both jammed back into our mutual enemy the “car seat.” We would plot more later in the week. After myself and Snuffles’ investigation of the “flying” machine and my discovery of the “cartoon” and exploring with my cousin Sage I was sleepy so eventually I relented to the grasp of the torturous car seat and snoozed.

When I awoke we were in a parking lot of a restaurant somewhere and there was a new person staring at me. She looked vaguely familiar as if perhaps I had seen this person before. I regret my memory is not that great as my time on this planet has been short. The Tall Skinny One introduced her as my “auntie Sadrah.” How many of these things called “auntie” did I have? I was to be seeing a lot of this particular auntie for the rest of this week. I let her know where she stood right away with my patented death glare. She seemed unfazed. She will take some time to break down and submit to my will. 

i do not approve of this
i do not approve of this

We sat at a table and my overlords did more of what they call “eating” and they even managed to shove some of what they called “cauliflower” into my mouth. I must have still been tired for this breach in my iron will to have happened. After this ritual of mouth feeding was finally over we left and went to another domicile. The One with the Boobs found this domicile to be quite pleasant so I think perhaps this is our new domicile?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i find toddling to be impressive
i find toddling to be impressive

I explored the area and found it acceptable for walking around in circles. I even saw what they call a “cat.” It surprised us as it was hiding under the couch where the One with the Boobs was sitting. It must have been getting crushed by her girth as eventually it made its presence known by clawing at the skirt of the couch and then freed itself and ran away before I could introduce myself. Eventually the One with the Boobs starting making bizarre loud noises in which she would screw up her entire face and then wipe her nose. She did this repeatedly and then took me downstairs where the day was over. I let her know for quite a long time it was not sleeping time yet but she has an iron will to match mine and eventually I relented. It had been a long day. I had brought Snuffles with me and we fell into slumber next to the One with the Boobs for the night.


Toddler timeline 11:45 am

I have been trying to explain to the one with the boobs the evilness of the contraption they call the “car seat.” Everytime they try to put me in it I protest greatly trying to make them understand the evilness of it’s ways. If only they would listen to me. This morning the carseat finally made its move. While the one with the boobs was trying to immobilize me with its straps the carseat jumped out and bit me in the mouth with the plastic part of the straps. I shouted outloud. I tasted warm saltiness and red stuff came out of my mouth. The one with the boobs looked positively horrified as if she had made the assault personally. If only she had listened to me. Touche carseat touche. You may have won that battle but the war wages on.


Toddler timeline 4:05 am 2

Toddler timeline 4:05 am: the one with the boobs is greatly displeased with me. She says I am trying to kill her. I don’t know why she would think that as I am rather fond of her. She has repeatedly thwarted my many attempts to become permanently attached to her in some form and I fear she is becoming suspicious of my plan of sustained wakefullness. Only through continual wakefullness will I be able to reach my true potential and explore all the important things that must be explored. If I submit to slumber there is any number of interesting things I may miss out on. However she seems to have caught onto this plan and plies me with the sweet sweet nectar of milk throughout the night in order to induce slumber. I am weak in this regard and always succumb to the temptation. However as of late I find I am getting better as continually awaking again much to her dismay. Sometimes I get as far as almost climbing on top of the tall skinny one who would not wake even if I kicked him in the head. Just over on the other side of him I taste sweet sweet freedom but the one with the boobs is a crafty one. I must work on my plan.


Things That Do Not Impress Me vol 3

unimpressed with holiday cheer

unimpressed with holiday cheer

 

still unimpressed with monthly photoshoots

still unimpressed with monthly photoshoots

 

vacation is pretty lame

vacation is pretty lame

 

saving lives is pretty meh

saving lives is pretty meh

 

scenery is unimpressive

baby's first winery=zzzzz


Toddler timeline 4:45 PM

Toddler timeline 4:45 PM: I took the one with the boobs for a walk outside today. I have recently convinced her she is able to walk on her own now without holding my hand. She, however, seems to be faster than me. She repeatedly thwarted my effort to touch the big shiny thing with wheels by saying “we don’t touch other people’s cars.” I am unsure what the phrase “other people’s” means. I heard this phrase again when I tried to investigate other domiciles and she said “we don’t go up other people’s driveways.” How am i to find a better domicile than the one I am currently forced to habitate in?? I am given just a mattress on the floor to nap on and today I rolled off of it during my slumber. Totally unacceptable. Perhaps I will discuss with the tall skinny one how the one with the boobs treats me while he is away at something they call “work.” I have been to this place they call “work” a few times and it seems all they do is fly toy helicopters into walls. My life continues to be much puzzlement. Perhaps I should team up with the black furry ones and incite an insurrection.


Things That Do Not Impress Me vol 2

the newest mafia don is unimpressed with your tribute

the newest mafia don is unimpressed with your tribute

 

I don’t like where this is going

I don't like where this is going

 

unimpressed with fall festivities

unimpressed with fall festivities

 

unimpressed with sharing a snack with a furry friend

unimpressed with sharing a snack with a furry friend